Have you ever been in this situation?
You're surrounded by strangers. Interesting looking strangers; a cool guy, a happening girl. You want to spark up a conversation...but...somehow...you just can't!
Words fail, your mind goes blank. You might even break into a nervous sweat, your hands begin visibly trembling. Instead of opening up the door to an interesting conversation, or possible even a lasting friendship or meaningful relationship, you clam up. And it kills you! You're dying to speak, to mention something that just happened right in front of both of you, to ask for the time, to say anything just to break the ice and end your self-imposed vow of silence. You try with all your might, but your mind is a blank slate and now it's too late. The moment has passed, they've moved on. You've now got plenty to say but nobody to say it to.
What is the key? What's the big secret? What does everybody else seem to know but you?
There is no secret!
There are two things I can tell you right now that will save you a lot of heartache. (There are a lot more tips, more to follow.) Your first mistake was blowing the moment completely out of proportion. You took an ordinary situation and built it up in your head until there was no way out. By the end of the above scenario, if the person actually turned to you and spoke you probably would've blushed and blurted out something like this:
Seemingly Interesting Stranger: Hey, did you just see that three legged dog driving a giant cigar? What was that about?
You: Oh, um, yellow. He? I mean Hi. Geez, is that the time?
This is followed by the sound of you, running for the hills.
What made you react this way? What could you have lost by opening your mouth in the first place? Nothing! You were afraid, and your fear was completely unjustified and self-imposed. That fear came from inside of you and nowhere else; this means you have the power to control it. The first thing you need to realize is that there is nothing to fear! Well, if the person you want to speak to is holding a hunting knife and staring at you with dilated pupils that might be a different story. If this happens to be the case, stick to your original plan of running for the hills.
Even just being able to identify this as an obstacle is a lightening of the load. Overcoming this fear is really a very simple task now that you know it exists. You have nothing to fear, ever. It's that simple. It doesn't matter who's standing beside you that you'd like to talk to. Is it the morning weatherman from your local news channel? It's just a person! A man in a leather jacket? Also just a person! A cute girl? Person! A knife wielding maniac? ...I digress. Some of these people are nice and open to conversation, some are complete assholes, but they're all just people. Imagine if the situation was reversed and you were standing on the corner, looking seemingly interesting, and hearing their thoughts. There would be humming and hawing rolling through that head, and fear! They're afraid to speak to you! Honestly, if you heard this you'd think they were crazy. Fear is the first key. It might sound easier said than done, but it isn't.
The second key is just as simple; have something to say. Preferably something to say that's interesting, not lame small talk about the weather. Humor is your friend here. We're not talking dumb one-liners, real spur of the moment humor. A lot of people consider small talk stupid, dull, moronic and redundant...and they're usually right. How many times have you had to listen to meaningless blather like this:
Uninteresting Stranger: Sure it hot today, huh?
You: Sure is."
Uninteresting Stranger: Gonna be hot again tomorrow too.
You: Oh really?
Uninteresting Stranger: Yup. Real hot.
You: Hmmm.
Uninteresting Stranger: That's right. At least as hot as today.
You: *unintelligible grunt*
Uninteresting Stranger: Always hot in the summer though, you can count on that.
You: Geez, is that the time?
Uninteresting Stranger: Yup, some time as yesterday, when it was just about as hot as this.
This is followed by the sound of you, running for the hills.
There, in a nutshell, are two important keys to overcoming shyness.
John Donland, aka Dr.Talk. is the author of http://how-to-be.com
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