Self Esteem - One Step To Being Free

Know this: you're blameless. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, no matter what all those rules in your head say. After all, they're just rules you adopted along the way, arbitrarily, as you were growing up, trying to cope with an unending stream of new and confusing situations, trading off bits of your self esteem as you learned again and again that you were often "wrong."

But you've lived with those rules for so long, you've forgotten that each one of them was something you picked up and threw into your rag-bag of guidelines. You did it on the spur of the moment, barely thinking about the action itself. Furthermore, you did most of that picking up and adopting when you were a very small child.

Okay, so now some of the decisions made by that child are raising havoc with your adult life.

Those rules have become "true" to you. And more than true -- they've become TRUE in 40-foot high letters flashing with lightning, and thundering above you with the voices of the gods themselves.

What mere mortal would dare challenge the validity of such rules -- edicts from the gods? The hand of the Universe itself might just reach down and strike you silly. Is it any wonder that self esteem can shrink in such an environment?

But in order to free yourself from your more restrictive, unreasonable, inaccurate rules, challenging them is what you're going to have to do... stand up and face down those fearsome rules.

Fortunately, it's a lot easier than it looks from down here in non-god land.

During the past decade or so, a number of new therapies, called "energy therapies," have sprung up. Remarkably, they often produce results within breath-takingly short periods.

Instead of years and decades, you might free yourself from a long-term problem within minutes, ho59Durs or days, restoring confidence and self esteem to healthy, comfortable levels. There is the occasional problem that takes three or four months to resolve, but it's fairly rare with these new methods.

This reminds me of the legend of Alexander the Great and the Gordian knot. It seems that good King Gordius of Phrygia had tied an enormously intricate knot, then proudly announced that only the future ruler of Asia would be able to untie it. Many came and tried. All failed

Finally, Alexander the Great unloosed that knot, so the story goes, simply and directly with a single slash of his sword.

And that's similar to the situation with our mental complexes, phobias and fears. Traditional therapies niggle away at our mental "knots" for years at a time, seeking permission to "please let me be better," while the new treatments just stride right past all those impressive terminologies and therapeutic models to do the job simply and fearlessly.

Sometimes it is a single step from where you are now to full freedom and self esteem. In another article, I'll be telling you how you can use these techniques to get yourself free.

For more information on how to shape your future, download the free PDF report "It's All Good Luck - Five No-Fail Tips for Turning Bad Luck into Good... Every Time" at 30Dhttp://www.more-luck.com/luckyreport/

Great Spiritual Movies

Self-Respect - Six Examples of How Learning to Respect Yourself Attracts Respect From Others

Too many people expect to be respected by others when they don't act respectfully themselves. Once you learn to respect yourself, you will attract respect from others. Here are some guidelines for learning self-respect.

"I want him to respect me."

"If people respect me, I'll respect them."

"My kids should respect me (it doesn't matter how I treat them)."

If you dont respect yourself, youll never respect others.

Self-Respecting People

1. Think about how their behavior affects the people around them

2. Consider what they say before blurting out hurtful words

3. Understand the Golden Rule according to Eugene BroB63wn, LPC (my former supervisor and mentor): Do unto others as they need to be done unto

4. Seek first to understand, then to be understood (Stephen Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People)

5. Take responsibility for their behavior

6. Let go of the need to hold grudges

Let's look at these six ideas about self-respect:

1. Think about how their behavior effects the people around them

Self-respecting people realize that they don't live in a vacuum; their behavior affects others. They think about what they do and ask themselves, "How will my doing ________ affect the people I care about/my coworkers/others I come in contact with?" They weigh the consequences carefully before acting.

2. Consider what they say before blurting out hurtful words

When self-respecting people engage in disagreements with others, they act diplomatically. Yes, they experience anger just like the rest of us, but they choose their responses instead of allowing a knee-jerk reaction to determine what happens next. They realize that hurtful words wont help their partner understand what is wrong and will harm the relationship.

3. Understand the Golden Rule according to Eugene Brown, LPC (my former supervisor and mentor): Do unto others as they need to be done unto

This ties into understanding that their behavior impacts others. They realize that just because they would like something done a certain way, that others may not agree. They take the time to learn how others need to be treated, rather than just using a "one size fits all" approach.

4. Seek first to understand, then to be understood (Stephen Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People)

Self-respecting people understand the value of active listening. They know that if people feel understood, then they are more likely to be willing to listen to another persons point of view. Self-respecting people do not try to push their views on others to be understood first. They are willing to work to earn the other persons respect and trust.

5. Take responsibility for their behavior

This means they are willing to admit when they are wrong. They feel comfortable with themselves and don't feel threatened if they make a mistake. Their ego isn't tied up in always needing to be right. This also means that the self-respecting person lets others be responsible for their behavior, letting go of the need to control them or change them.

6. Let go of the need to hold grudges

Self-respecting people realize that when they hold a grudge, they keep themselves locked into anger and resentment. They know they will keep growing as a person when they allow others to be responsible for their behavior instead of holding a grudge to try to make others change.

For more tips and tools for attracting love and prosperity into your life, visit http://www.sanantoniorelationshipcoach.com For weekly tips and tools sign up for Michelle's free newsletter, Relationship Success, while you're there. You can also visit http://languageofrelating.blogspot.com and http://powerofgratitude.blogspot.com Michelle E. Vasquez is a Relationship Coach in San Antonio, Texas. She specializes in helping people attract the life they want and create the relationships that bring them joy. She is available for in office and phone coaching for individuals and couples who want to create more joy in their relationships.

Great Spiritual Movies

Can You Bounce Back From Adversity Again And Again

Everyone at least once in their life experiences some form of a setback, adversity, failure or loss in at least one area of their life. Adversity can strike with or without notice. It can hit a relationship, a loved one, a career, your business, your health or your financial status.

No matter where or when it hits, the anxiety, stress, frustration, disappointment, fear, sadness or panic leave the same feelings or emotions in its wake. A senses of hopelessness and/or despair.

Life is circular not linear. First there is birth, then growth, then maturity then death, followed again by birth or re-birth and so on. This is the law of the universe, whether it is life itself or a change in career or a relationship. I do not mean to imply that all relationships must die before their time, but they do eventually end. There is a big difference. Endings are different than death. Death is certainly an ending, but there are literally thousands of types of endings.

Periods of life end, for example youth is followed by adulthood. All careers end if not by premature death, then retirement, or the beginning of a new or different career. Relationships end, if not physically, then a stage in the relationship, for example lust, infatuation or physical attraction is replaced in long standing relationships with deep and abiding love.

Setbacks and adversity are often signals that some aspect of life has come to an end or needs to come to an end. They are wake-up calls or what I call choice points in life. Many people, myself included, on a number of occasions, resist endings from time to time. Sometimes however, we embrace or encourage them. We want to continue life, business or a way of life forever. Most people die with unfinished business left in them. It is seldom that there isn't something more that could have been said, done, seen, learned or shared by someone who has passed on.

This is not an article about death and dying. It is about bouncing back from an event that life has been thrown in our path, or we have brought into our life because of our attitudes, decisions, behavior or actions. At the end of this article I will offer some ideas on how to bounce back, but first let's look at a few related ideas.

What gives adversity its power over emotions, feelings and responses? Why is adversity a tool used by some to improve or change, while it is used by others as an excuse or reason to give up or whine and bemoan their circumstances? Where is the potential learning or lessons in a setback or adverse situation?

Life isn't fair, and it isn't unfair. It just is. Life is neutral. It brings each person unique opportunities to learn and grow as a result of the events or circumstances that cross their path. Everyone, I repeat everyone regardless of their age, sex, nationality, religion, career status or financial position is a student in life. Some people, upon an outward-in first glance may "have it made". But do not judge by appearances only. Everyone has inner battles of one kind or another that they are fighting.

No one is immune to the teachings of life. Class is always in session. School is never out. There are no vacations. We never graduate. We don't get to select the curriculum, but we do have to do all the assignments and take all the quizzes. If we pass, we get to move on to other sometimes bigger or higher lessons. If we fail, we get to repeat the same lesson again and again until we finally learn whatever it is we need to learn as we travel through life. The repeated lesson might present itself from a different spouse, career situation, or any number of new and/or different circumstances, but the lesson will be the same.

There are several predicable stages that people go through following any loss regardless of its nature or severity. They are denial, anger, acceptance and finally moving forward.

Many of us bring repeated adversity of one kind or another into our lives and a great many people choose to see themselves as victims. To see yourself as a victim, and not take the responsibility for your circumstances is to live in an inner emotional world dominated by blame, guilt and resentment. I once heard a friend make the statement, "why is this happening to me again?" There was a common denominator in all of the repeated events. It was him.

Adversity gives us the opportunity to do a number of things as we move through our lives. Some of them are: reevaluate old life patterns that are not working; see ourselves more clearly as a contributor; develop new attitudes about life, relationships, money, people, work etc.; observe how we handle the lessons we are given.

A number of people have asked me why some people seem to have or attract more adversity or failure while others seem to glide through life with wonderful relationships, stable financial lives, growing careers, lots of friends and excellent health. I don't know for sure why some people seem to have more, do more and become more while others struggle daily with the basics of life. But I do have a few ideas and will share them with you as food for thought only. You won't find these in a psychology text or on a counselors couch. They are just my observations seeing life through my own personal struggles and successes.

Everyone is on their own personal path through life.

There is a law in the universe called the law of cause and effect. There is another metaphysical concept that states, be careful of what you ask for because you will probably get it. Still another says, what you are seeking is seeking you. There is a great quote from Yogi Bera, "expecting different results from repeated behavior is a mild form of insanity." Another from my relati5B4onship seminar says, life determines who comes into your life, your attitudes and actions determines who stays.

As you can see from a number of different perspectives, a great deal of the adversity and loss in our lives is self-inflicted as a result of our conscious actions, expectations, perceptions and thoughts or our unconscious values, beliefs, judgments and paradigms.

All behavior is the result of a persons consciousness. To attempt to change behavior without first changing consciousness is to invite failure whether it is with eating habits, communication patterns, or work ethics, and everything in between. The reason so many people fail at whatever behavior they attempt to change is because they try to change outside-in rather than inside-out.

What does all of this psychological mumbo jumbo have to do with adversity and bouncing back? Everything. Our state of mind is often fertile ground that attracts adversity into our lives. Our state of mind will determine how we will respond to, or overcome the events that come to us. Our perceptions, or filters (how we see life) will determine our interpretation of whether this is an adversity or not. Give twenty different people the same adverse event, and I guarantee that some will see it as negative, some will see it as positive and some will see it as devastating. The event was the same, the interpretations unique and personal.

Let's summarize and answer th110Ee first question, what gives adversity its power over people's emotions, feelings and responses?

When we are confronted with a situation regardless of its nature, that is perceived as a threat to our comfort, security, sense of well being or the status quo we tend to imagine the worst. Fear takes over. How will I survive alone? Will I ever find a new job or career that I will be successful in? Will I ever find another lasting nurturing relationship? What will my life be like with only memories of the past? Am I destined to struggle my entire life? How can I ever get over this tremendous loss? There are others, but I am confident you see my point.

When we operate out of a consciousness of fear, we tend to lose our perspective. We don't think rightly, see clearly or feel safe. We therefore see ourselves as victims and out of control of our lives.

Adversity can be a tool, just like any other emotional tool for positive change. If the wake-up call is heard, we can listen carefully to what we believe it is trying to teach us. This takes awareness, courage, self-love and patience. If we are too hard on ourselves and beat ourselves up thinking, I am such an idiot, or I'll never get this right or, I deserve all this bad stuff, we will find it difficult to create the proper mind-set to change direction. Adversity needs to be looked at with precision, careful observation and honest introspection. It needs to be seen as one of life's teachers, and not some villain that is out to get us or beat us down.

Having said all this it is also important that we not let ourselves off the hook with justification or acceptance. It is important to learn to become more comfortable with where we want to be or who we want to become rather than where we are or who we are.

As promised here are a few things you can do if you are smack in the middle of a situation that is uncomfortable, challenging or trying to teach you something, in other words an adversity.

One, try and keep the circumstances or situation in perspective. Will this be as big an issue in 100 years as it is today. Two, evaluate the situation in light of your entire life. Three, focus on what you have, not what you lost. This isn't any easy step when you are neck deep in pain, sorrow or grief, but continuing to focus on what is no longer, tends to keep you locked in the past and a state of 'no positive action'. Four, do something, anything to re-focus your thoughts, energy or activities in a positive or more healthy direction. Five, if it is a loss of a relationship or loved one, remember all that you had with them that was good and positive. Six, Remember you can't change what has happened, but you can change the future. And you change your future in your present moments. You also create all of your memories positive or negative, in your present moments. Seven, keep in mind the concept that you don't always get to determine what comes into your life, but you always get the choice of how to react or respond to it.

These are not easy steps. Loss and adversity of any kind are painful and difficult as long as you continue to remain focused on the loss or the problem. To use adversity as a positive teacher that has come lovingly into your life to help you overcome shortcomings, character defaults or poor judgment is a sign of emotional maturity. To wallow indefinitely in the negative circumstance, failure, disappointment or loss is to remain stuck and out of control. Life is neutral. It doesn't care how you react or respond to its teachings.

So the final question I would leave you with is, what kind of a student are you as you pass through the classes in life? Are you a willing learner or are you resisting the teaching, and the opportunity for personal growth?

Easy Guide to List Building

When you own an online business, you know how important it is to be having an always-maintained build list of e-mail addresses on your server. You know as a businessman that you need these addresses to potentially market your products to them at any given time. But what if these e-mail addresses on your built list begin to wane and diminish? What actions are you going to take to make sure that your perpetual source for prospective clients remains intact and working? Well, just like any otherwise moves to take, all you have to do is to re-build the list by capturing newer and fresher addresses through your marketing strategies. To build a responsive and actively participating list, here is what you can do:

Create an E-book. E-books are a good source of e-mail addresses because people would like to just read books. What is good about writing e-book is that it does not require too much time to create one since all you have to do is put a manual books content into your e-book. If there is one thing that you should work on getting an e-book, is to ensure that the quality of the e-book does not suffer.

Write article materials. Articles do not go obsolete as a source of feedback and traffic. Day to day, there are new topics that need to be discussed and talked about. When an article material is well written primarily based on facts, people just love to react on it.

Join forum channels. People who are on forum channel utilize this area to get some answers to some of their questions or inquiries. It is best then that you join this channel and participate and direct them to your landing page for further inquiries to capture their information.

Do you want to learn more about how I do it? I have just completed my brand new guide to article marketing success, Your Article Writing and Promotion Guide

Download it free here: Secrets of Article Promotion

Sean Mize is a full time internet marketer who has written over 1574 articles in print and 11 published ebooks.

Creating A Place To Rejuvenate

I have a musician friend who's group used an old bench for the picture on the front of their album. The album was titled "A Place to Rest". We all can relate to that idea. People in our hurried culture need a place of peace, a place away from the work, noise and over stimulation of the outside world. A place where your mind and body can revive and recharge your energy. If you have a yard this might mean a pool, a nice patio or a garden spot.

Courtyards throughout history have been like walking into another world...an oasis in the desert. Creating such a place of peace can be accomplished even if you don't have a yard. Porches and sunrooms both offer a transitional space between more formal living areas and the outside. Use fun flea market objects you love but can't quite see in the living room. Use old tools or toys. Drag out grandma's old bent up aluminum pots you do not cook with and make planters out of them. Hang wind chimes, suncatchers or stainglass. Small fountains or water gardens create calm soothing sounds. Plants are a must - they bring the outdoors in and keep the blues away in the colder months. Include a rocker, glider, swing or bench no matter where your space is. There is something magically calming about a rythmic motion...ask any baby.

Porch furniture designs now come in a variety of beautiful woods and finishes for both indoor and outdoor use. They are comfortable as well as attractive and made to last a lifetime. See the classic designs of Charleston, St. Augustine and Savannah at whatsinthebarn.com. This handcrafted furniture has true southern charm, is well made and very comfortable. The woods used are beautiful and durable and come in a variety of finishes and colors for outdoor and indoor use. Let us help you create your own personal "place to rest". Visit us at whatsinthebarn.com

Christy Bateman
http://www.whatsinthebarn.com

How To Help People Think Better - The Nitty Gritty of Listening

You know how to listen. You do it every day. In fact, you spend a good portion of the time you're interacting with others in listening. You're good at it.

And, we find that leaders who are remarkable listeners are always looking to expand their listening skills. So let's really make a study of listening today; let's take a look at the nitty gritty.

Helping people to think more deeply is the highest purpose, the best reason, for a leader to listen more deeply. When people think more deeply, when they make their own connections, they get a jolt of energy, and they're inspired to action. David Rock in his book Quiet Leadership (Appeared, 2006) describes the neuroscience of the process of coming to one's own insight. Then he says,

When people make deep, new connections in their own mind, there is a tangible release of energy, a discernable "aha" moment that fills us with a desire to take action. On a physical level, this aha moment releases chemicals in the body to prime it for movement. The energy created by insight is an important energy source to be harnessed. In the workplace there are many drains on our energy, including restrictions, policies, politics, long hours, and hundreds of emails every day. We should be harnessing every possible energy source that might inspire better performance. Letting people come up with their own ideas is a deep well of motivation to tap. (pp.39-40)

We have found that people get excited, become more conscious, and solve their own problems when their leaders and colleagues employ the skill of listening for. When you are listening for my potential, my strengths, or my skills mastery, I can sense that and I respond to it. When you're listening for what's important to me, for my goals, for what I value, for what I believe is possible or not possible, you help me become more conscious of these myself. When you're listening for how I feel about the subject I'm discussing - whether my energy is high or low, whether I'm excited or worried - I know I am truly heard. When you're listening for the real issue, maybe the question behind my question, then you help me to see so much more. When you're listening for what I'm not saying but is clearly present, then you give me permission to bring it out.

So how do you do it, this listening deeply and listening for? Here are some of the nitty gritty techniques:

Say less than you think you need to. Give lots of time for the person to think or to frame what they're saying. Resist the urge to jump in.

Summarize, paraphrase, and mirror back what you're hearing to be sure you understand clearly and to give the person a chance to hear what he or she is thinking.

As you reflect what you're hearing, use their language. It will have more of an impact. As you reflect, use language that indicates "I heard" rather than "You said."

Notice the difference between the person's words, tone of voice, and body language.

Practice setting aside your own judgments of what you're hearing.

And finally, just practice hearing some of what we've already mentioned: potential, goals, values, strengths, mastery, possibility, point of view, feelings, what's underneath.

Now let's look at an example. Your employee, Bob, comes to you and says, "Sandy is alienating everyone around her." For many, the automatic response is to look for a solution. The leader who is listening for starts by asking for more information and listening for what's important to the speaker.

As you listen, you reflect what you're hearing, giving Bob the chance to become more aware of the elements of the situation and what's really going on. You use language that tells Bob what you've heard. You listen for possibility, for Bob's strengths and for Sandy's. You listen for how Bob is thinking about the situation and what he may not be saying about it. And you assume Bob's competence in being able to solve his problem.

As you reflect what Bob is saying, he begins to see possibility, too. Now may be a good time to ask Bob what he'd like to see and how he'd like to move forward. You continue to see him as competent and creative. In this collaborative conversation, Bob feels heard, and he taps into his own resourcefulness. Your deep listening allows Bob to harness his own energy and to solve his own problem, to become a leader in this situation.

We have all experienced the power of being truly heard. It is one of the highest gifts we receive in this life. In the business world, it encourages deeper thinking, energized action, and greater connection to the work at hand. And it invokes the leader in everyone.

Jennifer Sellers is the Chief Energy Officer of Inspired Mastery, a leadership development company that helps people see inside their own blind spots to become powerful communicators, powerful leaders, and powerful in their lives. She is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coach Federation. Her background includes teen and adult education, project management under contract to NASA, a year as a ski bum in Telluride, Colorado , and 5 years as a coach, facilitator, and speaker. She has practiced Zen meditation for almost 20 years and is passionate about tapping the highest potential in each of us. http://www.inspiredmastery.com

Teaching Yoga for Teen Stress Management

Teens will respond to a Yoga class, with their peers, above all other age groups. Unless they have a nurturing personality, teens are not usually a good fit in a kids Yoga class. Sometimes, after-school activities, in high schools or junior high schools, will have Yoga as a choice. If there is no demand for teen Yoga classes in your area, adult classes will be the next best thing.

Over the years, it has been observed that concerned parents are puzzled by the sudden lack of communication with teens at home. This is usually a critical point in human life, as teens look over the horizon, toward adulthood. Suddenly, the "happy go lucky" attitude changes to a serious drone.

Many parents feel as if their teen has become a stranger. What can parents do to help their teens? One solution is to find joint activities, for parents and children, long before they become teens. This reinforces bonds during critical points in the lives of both parent and child.

Yoga is one such activity, but there are many more. Some families go hiking, skiing, biking, or participate in a variety of sports, together. There is no limit to the number of activities, but parents should make a concerted effort to resist the role of a demanding coach. 5B0 Turning a fun activity, into a pressure situation, is one sure way to force someone to drop out of it.

This is why Yoga is such a nice fit for the parent / child relationship. If you throw competition out the window, Yoga is an individual learning process. The rewards of a family practice are good health and re-establishing family ties.

Copyright 2008 - Paul Jerard / Aura Publications

Paul Jerard, E-RYT 500, has written many books on the subject of Yoga. He is a co-owner and the Director of Yoga Teacher Training at: Aura Wellness Center, in Attleboro, MA - http://www.aurawellnesscenter.com - He has been a certified Master Yoga Teacher since 1995. To receive a Free Yoga e-Book: "Yoga in Practice," and a Free Yoga Newsletter, please visit: http://www.yoga-teacher-training.org/index.html